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Carry Me Off to Breakfast
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Carry Me Off to Breakfast
by Jeff Rogers
Carry Me Off to Breakfast
Born to be a salad,
Heavy on the dressing.
Write a greenish ballad,
Oh what a purple blessing.
Trained to be an eggwhite,
All lumpy, fat and free.
When scrambled in the teflon,
How happy we would be!
Stoned into a meathead,
Pink along the inside,
Fried atop a coalbed,
Black is on the flipside.
Groomed as for a lady,
Thin and tall and flighty,
White and never fadey,
A-goin' to be a bridey.
Wrapped-up in the tinfoil,
Stowed refrigerator,
Spoil is not the gargoyle,
Scrape it 'cross the grater.
Paul's an English muffin,
Art's a soggy cornflake,
John's a dried-out lemon,
Put 'em in a pancake!
Born into a cornfield,
Raised to be a wheatfield,
Drafted for the Zeigfeld,
Pushed it through a spyglass.
Fed with Daddy's pigsty,
Gave 'em lots of candy,
Brushed it with an eyeglass,
Mailed it out and dandy.
Met 'er at the busstop,
Threw 'er through a turnstyle,
Dressed her for the party,
Fit 'er with a new smile.
Carry me off to breakfast,
Spill it on the bedspread,
Spell it on the freezer:
"A limit to the bloodshed."
